seanblog by SEanbateman9 "Astro"

ASTRO..... The COCK Stalker 20 years.... spirit lover - dark entity posted @ blogger SB9 sexy dreamland... 2-08 my home is an interesting potpourii (sp?) of energies these days. ghosts wafting from my sex addict past --- kiel - with the sub-human animal like humongous dick - floats in and out of my thoughts -- hehehe- ah -- the names roll of of my psyche and around it all day : jules - robert - some guy named robb - madeline - you - molly - davide from italy - francesco from italy -- micheal with the angel tattos who moved to LA who i always think of as "Antione" because we had an affair for 2 years and never knew each others names -- yeah antoine -- or "angel guy" a few weeks ago an old associate filmaker - "trick" - (thats slang for sex bud that you dont really care about) called me -- now hed been calling me for for the last 2 years -- and yes i just figured he was in line to become my next stalker -- since he liked to call me and not leave a message -- but i always knew he called due to caller ID-- once he left a message - about nine months ago saying that he had a strange sexual premonition about me -- (is there any other kind)?? I never returned the call --in fact -- I ignored all of his calls :although on certain nights - walking home alone i would look back and front for his stalking figure- perhaps sensing he was going to attack me by surprise- __What can this guy possibly want -- ?? i would toss around this question in the nether world of post it notes glued to the back of my brain -- the file is labeled-- "probably not important enough to think about" included in this file - of course is jule's weepy "I dont feel good- mantra" >>and one of these days i just might tell her that if you blow coke up your nose all night in the bathroom at the collins bar and then have some freaky S and M - Whoose afraid of virginia woolfe? (sex) drama that yes- of course -- jules my princess - the next day your apt to probably reply -- "I dont feel good...."<<<<<<< but enough of her and her petty pedestrian truamas that probably never even happened anyway - besides ive got my own petty insignificant gay drama - truamas to think about which when you really think about it : are not that important either -- my fears about Jules are of course that she is the mirror to my future and that I too will end up the insane "has been" on the fifth floor of some tenement walk up in nyc with 45 cats-- too many sad poems and tape recordings of roosters that I hear in the mornings but can not prove it -- this might not make sense to you but its based on an actual tenet that anyone who has ever lived in nyc knows or at some time knew from their building --just like the female homeless bag-lady who shouts "fuck off" to the sky and appears to be quite totally insane while pushing her bags around eighth avenue at 2am and then in another breath will begin reciting chaucer's canterberry tales- hitting the iambic pentanmeter perfectly -- then go back to screaming Fuck you -- to some wandering canine passing by and then as if it all made sense -ask you for a cigarette-- In any event - this guy - anthony - who now goes by the name - "astro" which is the name that registers on the caller ID when he calls to leave no message - astro - as he calls himself - now -- called me the other night about three weeks ago and didnt leave a message - again -- -- contact: one evening resolved to not let the oppurtunity pass- astro calls and lights up the radio shack 19.95 plus tax caller ID-- immediately -- quicker than a lightning bolt from the eyes of zues I grab the plastic box and press- "redial last incoming" astro answers--- " is that really you?? I was thinking about you - I was thinking about your big dick -- and how beautiful it is -- I want to worship your big dick -- i'am serious I was to organize a cult around worshipping your cock -- " long pause -- I respond- "ah astro -- why are you calling me ?? (my tone is accusatory and kinda mean and attacking) long pause... "I called you because i think - your in danger..." "danger of what ?" "theres an energy - in your apartment - and I truly think it is bad for you...i think you should consider leaving that space...go somehwere...else...get away from it..." thoughts speed through my past...how many times i sensed or thought that very same thought... the space is haunted. the building is haunted... with coke smoking ghosts of the late 80s past... with the spirit of the guy who was stabbed in front of the building in the 60s..."the capeman" murders... with drug dealers, and pros, with forgotton pain and dreams that no longer belong to anyone...with the hungry and desperate who invaded and permeated and resided here in hell's kitchen....yes it's true: New York city is full of ghosts... "ah -- I don't know what to say...." long pause. back track over the last five years... A road trip to consider leaving nyc...the stops along the way... vegas san francisco LA seattle portland sedona I was seeking some new fresh, mystical kubla-khan, an unspoiled shangrila...a haven or coven of artists - something pure, some place where the people are not so hyped up - jacked up- drugged up, worn out, tired, hungry angry or lonely... i looked high. i looked low. all of the above places. not to mention a sleepy resort town about two hours above san fran, the russian river, all packed with tweakers, freaks, rage and confusion.... just how far do you have to run to get away from civilization without being in the middle of nowwhere? A question: is civilization simply urban and suburban insanity?? so much and yet so little? "ah I also wanted to talk to you about your cock...i think about it all the time - and i think there should be an altar somewhere where people could pray to it or something -- will you send me a picture of it ?" "yes" i respond. I've have driven across country six - maybe seven times... each time trying to find some hidden clues to the place i visited. could i lived here? is there anywhere you can go where addiction and fear and money don't figure into the equation? a place to live. the better - more telling question is - of course -- are you ready to leave manhattan? no. i guess not. the black swirling ghost in my space... "the entity -- ah spirit in your space is in love with you -- wants you to go to the "other side..." wants to hang out with you... astro continues... "so this is why you have been calling me ?" "yes. i had to give you that message..." his remarks and message are not totally random. in fact, they confirmed what i had been thinking for many years but could never form into a clear thought... astro was right on the money. this explains the strange comfort and panic that seems to permeate the walls here in this hells kitchen studio... it explains the two near death experiences i've had here...wanting to stay -- wanting to go... wanting to run. wanting to "get away..." i've pondered this many times...in fact if the truth must be told: i even know it's name: the spirit. his name is rusty... i know he is around because the room gets like a cold spot near the corners, or sometimes a hot spot and the entire room becomes so hot i have to sleep with the windows open... "rusty" has made it pretty clear on several occasions hed do anything for me...thinks i'am funny and cool...and gets his entertainment from hanging around...my space... watching me have sex. eating. crying alone. watches me when i sleep...wondering hat it would be like for us to be together on the same side... yeah -- it's rusty...i know this. rusty is not to be confused with my other - type "spirit lover" who ive gone to great lentghs to be with -- and always recognize in the eyes of the living... i alays know when this other lover slips quietly into the body of one of my sex partners...the energy is always the same: kind - familair - loving and warm... i imagine he and rusty have things to talk about on the other side but i'am not privy to this cinversations but do actually sense the battle bewteen them both... one lover protects me - the other wants me to die so we can be together....it's confusing and as if i don't have enough things to worry about in the material world --- an entire soap opera of rommace and tug of war is occuring in the spirit realm for my affections.... give me a vailum.... "ah ok i'll think about it..." i knew after that phone call, astro would disappear. he has. I don't have the answer to my haunting... i'am ready to move as soon as i can find a place where i think i can live... i dunno... universe...any suggestions?